By Dr Renita D’Souza
Children are like sponge absorbing everything around them, good or bad. They behave as per the experience gained by looking around. Hence, it is utmost important for the parents to provide the beneficial environment for healthy development of child both physically and psychologically. Here are 5 things that you should not do to your child so that you can provide a nurturing environment in which your child’s thoughts and feelings are considered and respected.
Do not label the child
Labelling the child is calling with names based on their actions. For example, waking up the child in the morning by shouting, “Hey, get up lazy boy”. This way labelling your child by calling him lazy will have negative impact on our mind as well as child’s thought about his own self. Child will remember your words and considers himself as lazy in every other situation of life.
Hearing this labelled word repeatedly, the thought of him being lazy becomes strong, then the behavior of your child starts matching your words. So avoid labelling your child. Stop calling lazy, instead give the information about why he have to wake up early. May be because early morning is a good time to study or may be breakfast is getting cold.
Read – 5 Tips To Discipline Your Child Without Tears
Don’t ask too many questions
Children will usually talk and tell you everything when they want to talk about it. Asking too many questions will make them feel their private life is being invaded. For instance, a child returning back home from camp. Asking too many questions such as,
did you have fun at camp today?
Did you swim?
Did you make friends?
Did you like other children?
What your teacher said? and so on makes the child feel as if he has been controlled.
Instead of asking too many questions just let him know first how happy you are to see him and reaching back home safely.
You can just express your feelings saying
“Glad to see you, welcome home”.
This makes the child feel relaxed and happy coming back home. This shows that all that bothers you is your Childs safety and feelings. Child will be happy to share all bad and good experience with you. All that you have to do is have a good heart to listen.
Read – Benefits Of Listening Skills In Ayurveda
Don’t rush to answer questions
Don’t rush to answer when children ask questions. Give them a chance to think themselves first and find the answer, for example “That’s an interesting question. What do you think?”. Usually children come up with their own ideas and they love do find the answers. When children come up with their own simple solutions and it gives them a feel of a great accomplishment.
You can then help them find answer and also encourage them to use sources outside the home. So that they will come to know other sources which could be called upon to help them with their problems. They will know that they are not completely dependent upon us. The outside sources could be school, neighbors, friend, dentist, dietician etc.
Don’t keep child dependent
An adult seeing the child trying to tie lace, immediately stops the child and tie it completely for him. Its true that parents do not want to see their child struggling to do simple things which could be done easily by adults. But, by doing so we make children dependent. Instead, a child could be helped to complete a thing for himself. This makes the child feel accomplished, builds up the confident.
For example: A child while trying to tie shoe lays could be helped by demonstrating how to tie the lace. Child might again fail to tie, then he could be helped and let know where he went wrong. In this way, help your child to complete the task but do not complete the task for them.
Read – Help Your Children Deal With Their Feelings
Do not threaten your child
Its play time and your child is enjoying with his friends. Same time you remember your neighbor invited you for her daughters birthday party in the evening. You call your child immediately but child refuse to come back home. You get frustrated and you threat your kid to leave him behind.
Just saying that you will leaving him alone is itself damages the child emotionally though virtually you may not leave him behind. This makes him feel insecure. The feelings and attachment of children towards their parents is very important in early childhood. The thought that you will leave your child alone will instill fear in him and destroys attachment to you which is main foundation for your kid to encounter the world.